Why she ran away

Look at her smile, doesn’t she look happy. Look at her life, isn’t she lucky ?

Today, I am happy as fuck and I feel completely blessed for the life I’m living. Although, about 6 years ago and as far back as I can remember, I thought I would forever be surround by violence, addiction and trauma.

My pass has become a dark book, in which I used to do my best to keep closed, yet I remember every word.

Every word of hatred and threats, every scene of violence and destruction and all the signs that addiction was the root of everything. Drugs and alcohol, the reason for the holes in the walls, the reason for the fights and screaming, the reason for the long nights that seemed like they would never end, nights that turned into endless years.

My surroundings had become so toxic that, while growing up, my mental health had taken complet control of a my life. Anxiety attacks were coming in weekly. Long nights of sickness, cold sweats and shakes. Even once I moved out.

Everything I did, everywhere I went, I was followed by a heavy shadow of bad memories. At work, at parties, at home, the beach,shower, dinner, bed. You name it.

I had to go further, so I moved.

Much further.

I moved across the country.

I did everything I could to be as far away as possible. I even went tree planting, canceled my phone and disappeared for a few months without giving any signs of life.

I needed to forget.

Since then I’ve lived in over 15 beautiful towns and cities, I’ve met the most inspiring and magical people. I’ve realized that it is okay to cry and how important it is to laugh. I’ve learned to enjoy being alone and to appreciate the presence of those who are good to me. I’ve learned to love, to be loved and to love myself.

But most importantly, I’ve learned to not forget my pass, but instead, embrace it. To take the challenges life has thrown at me and turn them into lessons.

I know nothing can knock me down. I’m a mountain standing strong. I know nothing will stop me from growing, I’m a fucking dandelion growing on the sidewalk.

I know that I’ve made it. I survived and i didn’t let any of it reflect on who I am today.

At least once a day, reflect on where you are, what you are doing and who are you with. Is it where you want to be? Is it something that is good for you and your health? Is that person good for you and your health? If any of these answers are no, make a change, run away.

Make a change, it’s hard, but it’s worth it.

2 Comments on “Why she ran away

  1. You’re amazing and brave and inspiring and I look up to you so much. This was so reassuring to read and comforting in a way. Proud of you and all you’re doing like look at you ! So powerful. You’re healing and changing the world around you. Thank you for sharing❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks love 💛 words like this definitely make it easier. My goal is to be able to connect as much as possible to my followers and I feel like opening up and being honest was probably the best place to start. So Thanks you for your support 💛💛

      Like

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